Hey can you keep a secret?
Okay here it is. I am the biggest hypocrite in existence!
You see 10 years ago I was working as a counselor (still am at a different place).
By day I was telling young kids “Just say no! [to drugs]!”. By night I was snorting in the back of the club where I used to go.
It Started 25 Years Ago…
It was June of 1995 when I first started exploring my sexuality I was a high school counselor back then so I had to be careful. One day at dusk I went Crosby Farm Park or ‘The Crosby” as some called it here in St. Paul. I remember wearing my Alf T-shirt.
When I went into the park and saw this really cute blue blooded looking blonde twink!
He gave me ‘the look’ and we went into some bushes and things started getting hot and heavy.
Everything was great until my pants came down…
Apparently he didn’t like my size. He just starred at it for what felt like an eternity. He then just shook his head and walked away.
I was just in shock as I watched him walking away from me. To tell you the truth part of me wanted to run up and whack him in the back of the head as I couldn’t believe someone would be so cruel.
From there I began to spiral down into a depression.
Then on December 17th (I remember it like yesterday) I was wearing my Alf sweatshirt (I’m an Alf fan okay!) sitting at the bar at the club. Get into the Groove by Maddy was playing. That’s when another cute guy approached me.
He said I seemed a little down and asked if I wanted to try something to lighten my mood. I knew what he meant but I didn’t care anymore.
It’s hard to believe I said what I said but its the truth so I’m going to just tell you.
I said “Only if you let me suck your dick”.
He just laughed and said ‘ok sure dude whatever”
Afterwards we took out a ball of aluminum foil unwrapped it and I saw the white powder. He manipulated it into a line and gave me a rolled up dollar bill.
I just stared at it. He said “don’t worry this one’s on me you suck good cock”. I had a flash back of that guy walking away from me in the park and heard the line ‘just let the music set you free’ in the background. I just said ‘fuck it’ and went for it.
It was an instant feeling of euphoria and pleasure! My mouth went totally dry to the point that I felt like my tongue was going to crack but I didn’t care!
I found my release!
I knew drugs were bad so I decided that I would be a moderate casual user. “But I’m not going to go broke and be a criminal like those Black hoodlums” is what I told myself. (sorry but it’s what I said at the time)
At first everything was cool. I even began dating the guy at the club. He was making bank from his ‘business’ and I earned pretty decent as a high school guidance counselor.
Fast Forward to 2016
Honestly we had a pretty good life. I snorted once or twice a month max and with the money he was making we took fabulous trips. We went to Paris, Spain, and Italy for a whole month in the summer of 2016. In Venice we stayed in the Gritti Palace!
Then something happened…
The next Saturday after we returned to America I snorted with my now husband. By the way I had never injected and I felt so proud of myself for that. But on Sunday I felt terrible. I didn’t take my morning leak because there wasn’t anything coming out. My feet had begun to swell and felt heavy.
When I looked in the mirror I discovered that my eyes were yellow!
My husband rushed me to the hospital and the doctor told us that my kidneys had begun to fail and I had ESRD (Kidney disease). He asked if kidney disease ran in my family and I told him no.
Then he asked Taylor (my husband) to step out of the room. He then looked me square in the face and asked me if I was doing drugs.
It was like time stopped and my heart skipped a beat just like in 1995. My head sank and I just said ‘a little bit’. He wasn’t a judgmental at all though to my surprise.
He just gave me a pamphlet to a church group for drug users. I said I wasn’t into any Jesus shit. He said this was different.
Jesus, Not the Church, Saves!
Taylor and I both went not expecting much and we didn’t get much either. They were nice at first and the group setting did help us both with our urges but then the secretary gave us a piece of paper with “Leviticus 18:22” written on it.
We never went back and we both snorted that night.
I didn’t know what the fuck to do. The next evening I just began googling out of boredom and discovered manifestation. I learned about the law of attraction and how you can manifest your own reality to conquer your own mind and vices!
It seemed interesting and I planned to research it more but then on the table next to me I just happened to see my bible. I was pretty angry at what that cow secretary did and I was about to throw the bible away.
I grabbed a chunk of it and it fell open as I lifted it. Right before I was about to release it into the garbage I saw it had opened to Matthew Chapter 7.
My eyes zoomed into verses 7-8 for some reason…
7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
It was at the moment that I realized there had to be more to that verse. I sat down and began to think.
This verse isn’t just a simplistic ask and you shall receive. It’s about how we control reality and all posses the ability to manifest whatever we went!
It was a eureka moment!
I began to research manifestation and I discovered it wasn’t just something from eastern philosophy. In fact Jesus himself spoke about manifestation in the lost Gospel of Thomas!
5) Jesus said, “Recognize what is in your sight, and that which is hidden from you will become plain to you. For there is nothing hidden which will not become manifest.”
6) His disciples questioned Him and said to Him, “Do you want us to fast? How shall we pray? Shall we give alms? What diet shall we observe?” Jesus said, “Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered.”
Hidden Gospel of Thomas
Jesus and the law of attraction go hand in hand!
After researching even more I realized that Jesus taught so much that we don’t hear in church on Sundays! Jesus preached about manifestation and how that we had control over our own minds and could eliminate our desires once we learned about that control.
I learned his teachings were hidden from us by the church due to fear of loss of control!
It took a lot of research but I found this book called Manifesting Success with God by Benjamin Malcolm. You can download it for free using this link.
This Is Jesus and The Law of Attraction!
Once I began to learn how to manifest, which by the way you can start with these 30 exercises, the cravings began to lessen.
My favorite is the dream board. Here is mine
Now I won’t lie to you and say I never touched cocaine again since then but I have been clean since 2016! We both have actually. My husband is my rock and Jesus is my salvation!
I realized that there is a lot of science that backs up that reality is a compilation of our collective consciousness and that we imagine our own realities. Once we learn how to control our realities we can get virtually anything we way. THAT’S what Matthew 7:7-8 is talking about!
It’s not just a simple prayer for a candy bar and expect it to fall from the sky. Jesus was alluding to the ability to manifest our own realities through manifestation of our consciousness!
This is more than just the simple law of attraction as well.
Comparing the teachings of Jesus on manifestation to the simple law of attraction is like comparing Taco Bell to a real Mexican restaurant. There is no comparison is what I’m saying!
The bible actually alludes to manifestation in several places! Acts 4:16; Romans 1:19; 1 Corinthians 3:13; 1 John 3:10 just to name a few. Once you realize you have control then you can control its not that difficult to give up things like casual use of coke.
Through manifestation we can get whatever we need whether it be a partner, a better job, losing weight, more/better friends. God works in mysterious ways.
I mean who would’ve thought the guy that got me on cocaine would end up being my rock and part of my foundation on Earth!
I still feel pains in my kidneys sometimes but I am happy to announce the natural healing process has begun and I don’t have to take diuretics anymore…
Law of Attraction Hacks
While you begin your manifestation journey here are some advice to get you started!
Though it is true that there are techniques you can use to manifest the life of your dreams, its important to remember that everything you do is manifesting.
Its not just about the things you do on purpose!
Its about the way you think, talk, and live your entire life. When you realize this, it becomes much more apparent that using the Law of Attraction isn’t just about techniques or tricks.
Its a lifestyle an empowered way of living your life. The Law of Attraction is a simple guiding principle that everything is energy and like attracts like. In essence, your thoughts words and actions are actively creating your reality by attracting the same energy that youre putting out.
The morning, right as you are waking up, is a magical time for your mind. As you are waking up and putting yourself together for the day, your mind is making a big transition from the unconscious, abstract world of sleeping and dreaming to the more rational, concrete reality of day-to-day life.
What you are thinking, feeling, and believing during this time has a profound rippling effect on your entire day.
No matter who you are or what you do, you are always going to encounter a certain degree of negativity throughout your day as you interact with the world and feel it interacting with you.
Understand that you do not become a master of the Law of Attraction by avoiding negativity to the point that you are in denial. Yes, we always do what we can do to stay in a positive environment and think positive thoughts, but sometimes we must also jump into the mud and get some work done.No mud, no lotus.
Fortunately for us, positive thoughts, feelings, and beliefs are much, much stronger than negative ones. What this means is that you can help balance the scale of what you are manifesting throughout your day-to-day life by taking just a few minutes (ideally around 10) each day to intentionally think only positive thoughts.
Take a break from the constant stream of thoughts running through the mind (in yoga this is called chitta vritti mind chatter, or the monkey mind) by bringing yourself back to the present moment.
Being fully present drastically accelerates the progression of the manifestation process. In the present moment one can truly find peace, and deeply authentic joy. And it is this that will truly manifest the happiness, fulfillment and abundance that we crave at the depth of our being and not the objects, money, events, or other external things that we tend to latch onto.
True happiness is a STATE, not an external object, event, or circumstance. To begin practicing presence, simply take 1–2 minute breaks several times throughout your day to just stop, breathe, let go of the mind for a second, and enjoy the richness of what is going on now.
The more often you do this, the more you will grow accustomed to the acquired taste of nowness, and the more you will begin to realize how pleasurable your life really is. Looking for guidance on how to calm the mind and become more present?
Learn How to Control Your Mind and Experience Inner Peace
Positive questions greatly help you leverage your emotional state, and often times work much better than positive affirmations in the form of a statement. Questions open the door to possibility. When you are feeling terrible, just try asking yourself what if? questions that end on a positive note. Here are some examples:
The law of attraction is one of the laws that govern the way the universe functions. This universal law is based on vibrational frequencies because every single living being is vibrating at a particular frequency. This frequency determines…