Here’s How to Get Guys on Grindr and Improve as a Person!

Let me start by saying this guide applies to almost any gay dating service or app. I just said grindr because that’s what most guys search for on google.

About a year ago I had a large African American gentlemen come into my counseling office really sad and depressed.

I asked him what, was wrong and amongst a few other things, his principal complaint was that he wanted to know how to get guys on grindr and other dating apps. What I told him may shock you!

But before I get more into him let’s talk about the picture. Everybody thinks the photo is the most important part of a grindr profile. They’re right but here’s what they may not know…

I ran a little experiment with two clients. They both put up pictures on their grindr profiles. Now tell me which profile do you think got the most responses?

Client A: 

Client B:

That’s easy, right? Client A has ‘the body’ and follows many rules of a good grindr photo. It shows skin and he’s flaunting his best asset which is his bod.

What if I told you client B got the most responses? Almost double in fact! Client A got a 35% response rate and Client B got a 66% response rate!

Why do you think that is? Because client B’s photo looks real!  We all know having ‘the body’ is a plus but the first photo just looks fake. When I see that photo I think either catfish or asshole.

Client B’s photo is mysterious. It shows some skin but he’s not giving up all of his goodies on the first swoop. The happy trail triggers my imagination to what it’s leading to as well.

Back to The Crying Client

He even showed me one of the meaner responses he had received on Grindr.

After showing me that he began to weep right there in my office. That message was like a punch in the gut to him. I began to weep as well because I could truly feel his pain.

I suggested that he try growlr which is a dating app specifically for larger men and their admirers. He said he had and its a little better but not much. He stated that he wasn’t really into those guys and that he liked skinny twinks.

We went over what he could do and I suggested broadening his horizons. I again told him Growlr is a good app for larger men but he said he tried but there just wasn’t any attraction with him and larger men.

After two more sessions going back and forth about having realistic expectations I finally told him what he needed to hear…

“young man if you want twinks I’m afraid you’re going to have to lose some weight yourself”.

He just stared at me and I starred back.

I knew he was shocked but it was clear beating around the bush about it wasn’t going to work with this kid.

Finally, he said that he’s tried losing weight but it was too difficult. He said he tried going to the gym but he could never lose any significant amount of weight.

I told him about the Keto Diet and Body Boss Ultra Portable Home Gym.It was a good fitness program that of gay men have used to begin their weight loss journeys.

5 Commandments of Weight Loss

Any weight loss plan you choose should have these 5 elements which I call the 5 commandments of weight loss.

  1. Eating More Protein
  2. Eating at regular intervals
  3. Prioritizing Fresh Foods
  4. Setting short-term realistic goals
  5. Stop comparing yourself to others!

Learn the truth about low carb.

Here’s what may shock you

A few months later he came back to see me. Amazed at the new him I asked him how his dating life was.

He reported that he was so happy because of the dramatic change in his dating life!  He also said that he wanted to knock it up a notch further!

This is why I advise gay men who are single and looking that making yourself more physically appealing will help you significantly and Body Boss Home Ultra Portable Gym is a great way to do that.

However, that’s only half the equation. Being hot ins’t a magic bullet. Don’t believe me? Just ask any hot guy! We must also do he much harder work of improving ourselves as people if we want to get the partner that we desire.

Learn good grindr etiquette!

If you want to learn how to get guys on grindr you must practice good grindr etiquette. Following these rules will save you from unnecessary rejection and hurt feelings.

  1. The person who sends the first message also sends the first picture. It’s uncouth to message someone asking them for another picture when you haven’t even sent yours yet
  2. Please don’t message a person of color telling them how excited you are to be with [stereotype]. Many of them consider it offensive.  That means don’t tell an Asian person you’re such a ‘rice queen’ or a Black person that you want ‘big black cock’
  3. Avoid putting “No [your negative preference]” in your description. I’ve said many times that preferences are okay but imagine how you would feel if you constantly saw ‘No [some immutable aspect of yours]’ all the time.
  4. Don’t ask for pictures that you aren’t willing to send yourself. If you ask for a dick pic then you better be prepared to send a dick or ass pic back.
  5. Treat others how you want to be treated! This goes back to the karma paragraph. Words do hurt and the way you treat people on grindr has an impact. Do the world a favor and don’t be a dick.  Just remember what goes around comes around.

Build good karma!

I am a firm believer in you reap what you sow!  How did you treat this guy when he messaged you?

Did you respond: “As if!” or “I don’t think so” or laugh at him?

If you did then remember that the next time some guy is an asshole to you.

Many guys on grindr are in pain and choose to project that hurt onto others. It’s a vicious cycle that many are guilty of and it makes grindr a bit toxic to the soul.

The sad thing is being a jerk only ensures that your experiences will continue to be negative. If you put negative energy into the world that’s what the world is going to reflect back to you.

Related: 6 Reasons Why Gay Relationships Fail

Being gay is tough sometimes.

  • We face rejection from friends and family but honestly, in 2018 I think the worst part of being gay is the way we treat each other.
  • If someone gets a good guy we get jealous instead of being happy
  • We constantly talk shit about others in an effort to lift ourselves up

We must stop the hate and start the love! 

Make a good grindr profile

Your photo is the most important part of your profile!!!!!!

I think everyone knows that your picture is the most important part of your grindr profile. The problem is many people don’t know what a good picture is.

Rules for a good grindr picture:

  1. The headless torso isn’t going to cut it anymore
  2. Show some skin
  3. Your photo should generate curiosity
  4. Use a compression shirt to look thinner

Some guys think it’s enough to work out, get a decent body, and then flaunt it. While yes having a good body is better than not just having a good body isn’t enough to maximize your grindr potential.

Which leads me to my next point…. You don’t need to be hot to get guys on grindr! 

Too many guys just skip over the profile part because they think nobody reads them. That’s a lie!  People do read profiles! 

Having a good profile description will really help you to get guys especially if you’re not the best looking guy in the world.

Bad profile description

‘Just seeing what’s up”

You can get away with this if you’re hot with 8 or 9 inches but otherwise you need to work a little harder. That description is lazy, boring, and makes it more difficult to start a conversation with you.

Good profile description

“Just here checking things out. I’m into fashion, soccer, and I’m studying political science. Oh my favorite color is green and my best friend is Gus (a chocolate lab).”

This description is short and contains a great deal of information and good conversation starters.  With that description, someone could message you asking what’s your favorite soccer team, or who you voted for, or talk about their dog.

You’ve just made it 10x easier to start a conversation with you with the above description!

Rejection and preferences are okay!

For some reason, preference shaming seems to be all the rage in the gay community and that’s a little silly in my opinion. It’s not just gay men that have preferences.

If someone is not into blacks, Asians, whites, short people, overweight people, that’s their right. Our bodies are not public resources and no one has the right to demand access.

That being said being too picky will ultimately hurt you more than anyone else.

So while its okay to have preferences it doesn’t mean you’re exempt from the consequences of those preferences. Most usual the consequence is perpetual singlehood…

If you’re like my client above and after you’ve made the changes to your grindr profile and still not getting the guys you want then maybe its time to reconsider your preferences.

Work to improve as a person!

Let’s face it being gay sucks sometimes. We face rejection from friends, family, and on top of that, we have to deal with the gossip and vitriol that comes from our own community.

It’s no surprise a lot of gay men are bitter but it doesn’t have to be this way. If you want to bring good energy back into your life then you have to learn to put good energy out.

Constantly talking about what you don’t want is going to drive away what you do want. I strongly endorse theta meditation. It is a deep form of meditation that studies show is the most relaxing and effective form of meditation.

The bad news is it can take months or even years of training to get to that point of reaching a ‘theta state’. However, there are great programs like the 15 Minute Manifestation that use a system of binaural beats to activate your theta brain waves, improve your mood, and give you a shortcut! In fact, it’s just 15 minutes a day for 21 days. Hence the name 15-minute manifestation!

Watch a video on binaural beats


Get guys on grindr with a good opener!

No, I’m not talking cheesy one-liners. I mean you need to show a guy you’re genuinely interested especially if he’s ‘out of your league’.

Here’s a good opener:

Hey I saw your profile. Great pic!  I notice you said you like soccer. I used to play that all the time as a kid. What’s your fav position? By the way my best friend’s name is Mr. Kittles (a toy poodle).

By just putting a little more effort you’ve increased your chances of not just a response but a decent conversation by a factor of 100!

Some of you may be thinking “I’ve tried and it doesn’t work”.

How many times did you try?

There are no guarantees in life nor on grindr. Just like Aaliyah said ‘if at first you don’t succeed dust yourself off and try again’.

If there is a secret on how to get guys on grindr it would be that you have to try, try again, and then keep trying some more! By the way, this applies to almost all dating situations, not just grindr. I just entitled the article How to get guys on grindr because that’s the most popular dating app for us gay men.

Compatible Partners – Review your matches for free!

To sum things up here’s how to get guys on grindr

If you want to know how to get guys on grindr then you need to learn how to improve yourself first and bring good things into your life. Manifestation is the top way I recommend to bring people, including lovers, into your life.

By PackedMan

Hi, I'm Cam aka Packed Man. I'm a counselor and a loving partner. After winning my own battle of the bulge (I lost 100 lbs) I know what its like and I want to help people on their journey to happiness and fitness! Furthermore, I make no bones in letting people know this is how I earn my living and therefore some of the articles may contain affiliate links. This provides a strong incentive to make sure any products I recommend are of good quality so hopefully, you'll follow my recommendations to improve your life journey.


    1. Definitely a combination of both. But he is not alone. A lot of gay men (of any color) that are perpetually single have an attitude which keeps them single longer.

  1. John I did the 15 manifestation thing. It changed my life. I am already fit so I don’t need to lose weight. Who would’ve thunk that all this time it was my attitude that was the problem.

  2. Honestly losing weight did help me on grindr but it wasn’t the whole story. I had to change my mindset which is what the manifestation thing you talked about does. I’ve been seeing a guy for a month now and it’s going great!

  3. I think it’s great we’re seeing less ppl posting stupid stuff like “no Asians””no Blacks”. Preference is when you like two things…but prefer one over the other. Preference is NOT disliking, or refusing to meet someone because of their race. No, your body isn’t a public toilet…but not talking to guys based on their race – is discrimination based on race…& racial discrimination is racism. No short way around it. People should be striving to be better than that & to improve themselves. Like the gentleman who lost weight – sometimes you have to strive to be a better you & not be a racist pig.

    You try being a Black person or an Asian person surrounded by a sea of people within a 5 mike radius who “don’t like Black or Asian.” Not because people really don’t like Blacks or Asians…but…why lower yourself to settling for Black or Asian…when you can have the cream of the crop…White or Hispanic? And then the more people put that crap in their profile…the more people who look at it & say “hmmm…maybe I TOO shouldn’t be settling for Blacks or Asians!” And then it takes off like a fashion trend. ‘Don’t accessorize with Black or Asian!’

    Disguising racism as “preference” isn’t cute & it’s about time that we did better. As a Black person I’ve never experienced more racism than in the gay community…but change first begins with self awareness. & I think people are waking up. But articles like this DO NOT help!

    1. If you go to Baskin Robbins and order chocolate ice cream instead of vanilla does that mean you’re ‘racist’ against Vanilla?

      If you don’t sleep with women does that mean you’re sexist against them? I agree some people were going overboard and expressing their preferences but try to shame someone into dating someone that they’re not interested in isn’t helpful either.

      Do you really want someone to date you because they were forced by political correctness? Wouldn’t be a degrading experience? Imagine what sex with him would be like? Getting him to put out would be like pulling teeth.

      1. I completely agree with this packedman. Whilst I don’t think it’s possible to completely rule out an entire race of people (sometimes I find myself attracted to people that I wouldn’t normally expect), I most definitely have an attraction to certain types of guys and not others and I’m sure this is the same for many people.

        I think people do go overboard with their ‘no this, no that’ list of requirements but I’d rather have sex with someone who is genuinely in to me and I’m not going to get shirty about it if someone isn’t – I’d rather know so I don’t waste my time!

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