I asked him what was wrong and amongst a few other things his principle complaint was that he wanted to know how to get guys on grindr and other dating apps.
He even showed me one of the meaner responses he had received on Grindr.
After showing me that he began to weep right there in my office. That message was like a punch in the gut to him. I began to weep as well because I could truly feel his pain.
I suggested that he try growlr which is a dating app specifically for larger men and their admirers. He said he had and its a little better but not much. He stated that he wasn’t really into those guys and that he liked skinny twinks.
We went over what he could do and I suggested broadening his horizons. I again told him Growlr is a good app for larger men but he said he tried but there just wasn’t any attraction with him and larger men.
After two more sessions going back and forth about having realistic expectations I finally told him what he needed to hear…
“young man if you want twinks I’m afraid you’re going to have to lose some weight yourself”.
He just starred at me and I starred back.
I knew he was shocked but it was clear beating around the bush about it wasn’t going to work with this kid.
Finally, he said that he’s tried losing weight but it was too difficult. He said he tried going to the gym but he could never lose any significant amount of weight.
I told him about the 3 week diet. It was a good diet a lot of gay men have used to get the ball rolling on their weight loss journeys.
5 Commandments of Weight Loss
The 3-week diet operates on 5 commandments of weight loss.
- Eating More Protein
- Eating at regular intervals
- Prioritizing Fresh Foods
- Setting short term realistic goals
- Stop comparing yourself to others!
He tried it
He decided to try it and the results were great. The young man lost 40 pounds in 2 months! Afterwards sent me some photos and gave me permission to post them so long as I disguised his identity.
Here’s what may shock you
A few months later he came back to see me. Amazed at the new him I asked him how his dating life was.
He reported that yes he got more ass on grindr he but was still single. He then told me what I already knew. That while being more physically appealing opens more doors its your personality that makes them walk in and more importantly stay in.
This is why I advise gay men who are single and looking that making yourself more physically appealing will help you significantly and that the 3 week diet is a great way to do that.
[ Good news! I found a coupon! ]
However that’s only half the equation…
Being hot isn’t a magic bullet! Just ask any hot guy…
One must also do the much harder task of improving themselves as a person if they ever hope to get the partner they desire.
Learn good grindr etiquette!
If you want learn how to get guys on grindr you must practice good grindr etiquette. Following these rules will save you from unnecessary rejection and hurt feelings.
- The person who sends the first message also sends the first picture. It’s bad form to message someone asking them for another picture when you haven’t even sent yours yet
- Please don’t message a person of color telling them how excited you are to be with [stereotype]. Many of them consider it offensive. That means don’t tell an Asian person you’re such a ‘rice queen’ or a Black person that you want ‘big black cock’
- Avoid putting “No [your negative preference]” in your description. I’ve said many times that preferences are okay but imagine how you would feel if you constantly saw ‘No [some immutable aspect of yours]’ all the time.
- Don’t ask for pictures that you aren’t willing to send yourself. If you ask for a dick pic then you better be prepared to send a dick or ass pic back.
- Treat others how you want to be treated! This goes back to the karma paragraph. Words do hurt and the way you treat people on grindr has an impact. Do the world a favor and don’t be a dick. Just remember what goes around comes around.
Build good karma!
I am a firm believer in you reap what you sow! How did you treat this guy when he messaged you?
Did you respond: “As if!” or “I don’t think so” or laugh at him?
If you did then remember that the next time some guy is an asshole to you.
Many guys on grindr are in pain and choose to project that hurt onto others. It’s a viscous cycle that many are guilty of and it makes grindr a bit toxic to the soul.
The sad thing is being a jerk only ensures that your experiences will continue to be negative. If you put negative energy into the world that’s what the world is going to reflect back to you.
Being gay is tough sometimes.
- We face rejection from friends and family but honestly in 2018 I think the worst part of being gay is the way we treat each other.
- If someone gets a good guy we get jealous instead of being happy
- We constantly talk shit about others in an effort to lift ourselves up
We must stop the hate and start the love!
Make a good grindr profile
Your photo is the most important part of your profile!!!!!!
I think everyone knows that your picture is the most important part of your grindr profile. The problem is many people don’t know what a good picture is.
Rules for a good grindr picture:
- The headless torso isn’t going to cut it anymore
- Show some skin
- Your photo should generate curiosity
Some guys think its enough to work out, get a decent body, and then flaunt it. While yes having a good body is better than not just having a good body isn’t enough to maximize your grindr potential.
When I see that photo as a grindr user I just think…meh…probably a cat fish or an asshole. As a counselor though I think ‘wow so much wasted potential’.
This photo sparks my interest!
It’s mysterious, yet I know its a real person, and the happy trail leads my imagination to wonder what’s inside those boxers!
I know this guy personally and to be honest he’s not particularly handsome but once he changed his photo to this he started getting tons of messages.
Which leads me to my next point…. You don’t need to be hot to get guys on grindr!
Too many guys just skip over the profile part because they think nobody reads them. That’s a lie! People do read profiles!
Having a good profile description will really help you to get guys especially if you’re not the best looking guy in the world.
Bad profile description
‘Just seeing what’s up”
You can get away with this if you’re hot with 8 or 9 inches but otherwise you need to work a little harder. That description is lazy, boring, and makes it more difficult to start a conversation with you.
Good profile description
“Just here checking things out. I’m into fashion, soccer, and I’m studying political science. Oh my favorite color is green and my best friend is Gus (a chocolate lab).”
This description is short and contains a great deal of information and good conversation starters. With that description someone could message you asking whats your favorite soccer team, or who you voted for, or talk about their dog.
You’ve made it 10x easier to start a conversation with the above description!
Rejection and preferences are okay!
For some reason preference shaming seems to be all the rage in the gay community and that’s just stupid in my opinion. It’s not just gay men that have preferences!
If someone is not into blacks, asians, whites, short people, fat people, whatever that’s their right. Our bodies are not public resources and no one has the right to demand access!
That being said I’ve said in my other article that gay men tend to be way too picky.
So while its okay to have preferences it doesn’t mean you’re exempt from the consequences of those preferences. Most usually the consequence is perpetual singlehood…
If you’re like my client above and after you’ve made the changes to your grindr profile and still not getting the guys you want then maybe its time to reconsider your preferences.
Work to improve as a person!
Let’s face it being gay sucks sometimes. We face rejection from friends, family, and on top of that we have to deal with the gossip and vitriol that comes from our own community.
It’s no surprise a lot of gay men are bitter but it doesn’t have to be this way. If you want to bring good energy back into your life then you have to learn to put good energy out.
Constantly talking about what you don’t want is going to drive away what you do want. 15-minute manifestation is an great way to begin the internal healing process.
Download this free e-book to learn more about it.
Get guys on grindr with a good opener!
No I’m not talking cheesy one liners. I mean you need to show a guy you’re genuinely interested especially if he’s ‘out of your league’.
Here’s a good opener:
Hey I saw your profile. Great pic! I notice you said you like soccer. I used to play that all the time as a kid. What’s your fav position? By the way my best friend’s name is Mr. Kittles (a toy poodle).
By just putting a little more effort you’ve increased your chances of not just a response but a decent conversation by a factor of 100!
Some of you may be thinking “I’ve tried and it doesn’t work”.
How many times did you try?
There are no guarantees in life nor on grindr. Just like Aaliyah said ‘if at first you don’t succeed dust yourself off and try again’.
If there is a secret on how to get guys on grindr it would be that you have to try, try again, and then keep trying some more!
To sum things up here’s how to get guys on grindr
- Start with an opener that shows effort! (More Good Tips)
- Be as physically appealing as possible (3-week diet is a good start)
- Be the person you want to see(15-Minute Manifestation is great to heal your inner wounds)
- Understand that preferences are okay but being too picky will only hurt you (Read more on that)
If you want to know how to get guys on grindr then you need to learn how to improve yourself.